In the wee hours of the morning

Can't sleep. My mind will not stop rolling over all the things I have to study before my finals start in roughly 37 hours. I'm usually a sound sleeper, but tonight, I stared at my phone, 3:03am. I rolled around, drank some water but decided to type some of this anxiety and BAM!! Here I am at 4:22am.

I had a study group meet-up w/some EMT classmates. It went well. We spent a lot of time bullshitting, but did go over some skills. I'm still so very nervous. I've invested so much time, money and energy into the last six months, I will be devastated if I fail and it was all a waste. It will be such a disappointment to restart the program again.

Monday we're being tested on O2 administrating (non-rebreather and nasal cannula), BVM, OPA/NPA w/suction, Combitube and possibly CPR (adult and infant) and choking adult (heimlich). I know this stuff but I'm surprised how freaked out I am. I'm not worried about the CPR/AED we'll be tested on Wednesday. I'm really concerned about the medical and trauma assessments we're performing and of course, the 150 question final. But I have another wkend before that and another study group.

I am up at 4:30am unable to sleep because I'm filled w/worry. I want this term to be over. I want to move forward w/my new schedule and start managing my stress better. I'm going to spend the bulk of today doing review over my skills and also I want to complete my study guide for my Biology and my take home quiz that's due Tuesday.

I need to write out a plan for today so I won't be overwhelmed or lose track of what I need to accomplish w/my homework TODAY. That's my problem. I sit down to study, I get overwhelmed by the different classes work load and do a lot of stuff but don't complete any assignments.

Ugh.

Ahhh... I want to ace my EMT stuff. I really do. I did so shitty on my mid-term (78%!!!), I want to ace the info this time around! It's so important to me not to fail at school. This is my ticket out of Tonkin. It's my ticket into a career, me finding happiness and being apart of something that is good vs. working for a corporation that uses their employees and allows management to run the show by any means as long as they make that money!

I'm going to do some crosswords... hopefully that will make me tired. I have a full day of studying ahead of me.