Disillusions

Hmmm, well... yes, going to blog about DATING!!!

I feel that I have been lucky to find attractive, funny men to spend an evening with as often as I want. The negative side; no one sticks. Nothing is clicking. A little before Thanksgiving, I thought I had met a man that was charming, smart and grounded enough to focus in on but he turned out to be somewhat of a liar. I got over that quickly, disappointed in myself that I wasn't able to identify his fraudulent tactics right away; none the less, I pressed on.

Lately, I've been agreeing to allow my girlfriends to introduce me to their single male friends. I am hesitant with this because if something goes sour or if I discover the guy's actually a creep, it can cause friction within the friendship. This latest guy is witty, sexy, quirky and appears to be available... but after two good dates and one smokin' hot make-out in his car, I'm having that suspicious feeling that he is a hit'em and quit'em type of fella. Granted he hasn't "hit'em" (er, me) but he has lost interest all ready. (Because when he asked if I wanted company at home, I told him it was too soon). It's been three days and not even so much a text message from him.

It's more frustrating then heart breaking!! It's this trend - presenting a false-self, that is making me seriously annoyed with dating. Almost as if I need a break from it. I really enjoy spending time with my friends but for the past year, it's been really sucky that I'm always the third or fifth wheel when going out.

I tell myself to keep an open mind (and heart) - that someone who's looking for someone like me is out there. It's all about timing or who you know or (fill in the blank). I'm in absolutely no rush to find myself a boyfriend. I've learned a lot about myself this past year. I've grown a lot and feel like I know what I want and won't settle for anyone less. This has also helped me present the best of myself to people. No more bending my rules to fit around someone elses' - lets just connect on common ground and discover how amazing similarities can be.

I guess I'm blogging because I'm feeling a little frustrated. I've had two midterms this week (and yes, it's only Tuesday), I'm sick and have a very busy weekend; working two big gigs (Portland Seafood and Wine Festival and Jack Daniels promotion for Super Bowl Sunday).

I have these moments sneak up on me - when I'm having things go really well or not so well and that's when I wish I had someone to lean on. Those are the times I wish I had a steady man in my life. Otherwise I'm quite content being single.

Yes, I have really wonderful and supportive girlfriends that hear my doubts and celebrate my victories... but there's just some things only a boyfriend can make better.

To have the sweet consistency of a great guy would be, well, great. I'm learning to trust again and I tell myself with these feelings of frustration do not let that turn into bitterness. I cannot allow what one man did to me ruin the potential for all men.

To sum up, I'm doing well, just maybe with the midterms and sickness I'm feeling lonely and wish I had some amazing guy to hang out with tonight, that would be there for me. But my dog Sophie, a pizza and Netflix will suffice.