When We Two Parted

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder they kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow-
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me-
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:-
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met-
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?-
With silence and tears.

~George Gordon (Lord Byron)

Love Letters of Great Men: Vol. 1

I have something stupid and ridiculous to tell you. I am foolishly writing to you instead of having told you this, I do not know why, when returning from that walk.

Tonight I shall be annoyed at having done so. You will laugh in my face, will take me for a maker of phrases in all my relations with you hitherto. You will show me the door and you will think I am lying.

I am in love with you. I have been thus since the first day I called on you.

~Alfred de Musset
1833

The Head and The Heart

Wanna hear some freaking amazing indie-rock?? The kind with killer soulful vocals, story-telling lyrics highlighted with wicked-awesome musical talent??? Well check out The Head and The Heart!! Here's some footage I shot at the Wonder Ballroom tonight. Money well spent. So talented. I'm so thrilled I was able to see them live.

End of an era

June 10th, 2003 to April 26th, 2011.
No more 122nd Way for me.

Kinhnarath Wedding Reception

Ok kiddies - this is how the old gang does it. We may not go big, but we definitely go loud (and grossly inappropriate). Amjad and Amanda got married a few months ago in a Muslim ceremony with only family present. Saturday night was just a party where the friends could be merry.
Congratulations to the happy couple. It is so wonderful witnessing their love.

Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

~Dorothy Parker

Stumbling in Seattle

I spent the weekend in Seattle to visit a friend. A test run perhaps is more accurate then visit. Yes, a 'test run' to see if said friendship could weather a long distance relationship. Driving up I was confident that this would be an exciting weekend with a fantastic man and things would probably lean towards 'Hell yes, lets do this!' I was also keeping the practical check list in my brain - the reasons why I should stay grounded, maybe even pessimistic, just to protect myself going in.

I should have focused more on the reality vs. the excitement; the drive home Sunday would have ached less.

After a hellish 4 plus hours in the car I arrive in Seattle Friday evening. MB is still working, (MB is the fantastic man), so I catch a drink with Jake and Maggie; MB meets up with us. The night is spent laughing, bar hopping, being unable to ignore the intense electricity between the two of us and being absolutely enamored by each other. Asking those questions, "What would it look like if we were official?", "How'd it even work?" and admitting that the only dilemma in our situation is the distance. If we were in the same city, without a doubt we'd be together (and oh, what a couple we'd be). The night ended in a flurry of emotions, heightened by intoxication; both booze and romantically fueled.

Saturday was a lazy day and that triggered conversation. This is when reality sunk in and I realized I was silly to make such a rash assumption. His fears and doubts made me insecure and once believing our differences made us wonderfully dynamic and interesting, were now excuses and listed on the 'con' side of the "should we or shouldn't we" list in my mind.

I do this almost automatically; an ironic quintessential source of emotional protection but it's so damn stupid. I spent the remainder of this visit (yes, it's back to being a visit), enjoying the company of this brilliant, beautiful man but telling myself this is all that it can be. No matter what I want it to be - I need to step back otherwise I'm going to make a fool of myself. Being hurt in private is so much easier to manage then saying too much or exposing too much of yourself and dealing with the rejection/disappointment.

The drive home was dreadful. Cracked Rear View Mirror, Extreme and other various 90's artists being the soundtrack home didn't help much either.



Alas, I'm back in Portland... back to the real world. Or the new real world, right? Time to get back into my routine and be hopeful that whatever magic or romance we were creating these past weeks continues; but that would require one of us trying, reaching out and taking a chance. You don't know that aspect of being a grown-up when you're young; the being hurt and afraid to obtain togetherness. Being afraid of trying something you want. Not something you don't - something you know would be significant.

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those 'It might have been.'"
- John Greenleaf Whittier