Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Portland snow

(Bus 20, heading west on Burnside)
Today is the first snow of Winter 2009. It came from nowhere. May seem calm compared to most places but for Portland, if this continues, it's gonna be ridiculous. These are some pictures I took on my drive home from work. Spare me the lecture, I know it's dangerous to take pics/video while driving but I was going 10 MPH, as were the rest of the drivers.
(steps to my apartment)
(Sophie enjoying the snow)
PS: Don't miss it too much Jess.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

dog tattoos

For a very long time, I've wanted a Phoenix on my back. The position I want it varies a bit; either perfectly centered, w/her wings going from shoulder to shoulder then I see other art and I could imagine her wrapping around my side and her tail flowing down my back, maybe even to my hip. My problem is I have her in my mind but cannot draw and have no way to describe her. I keep searching the internet for an artist who's style I love and hopefully can use their work to have something drawn for me.

The other tattoos I want are to have Buddy's and Sophie's faces drawn in the fun Anime style. Just their adorable faces, Anime is goofy but I want to somehow incorporate their personality. Sophie has the tiniest black spot on her tongue and always has a twinkle in her eye. Buddy will stare at you, he will look into your eyes like a person does during conversation and will give you a toothless smile.

I'm itching to get started on the shoulder half sleeve I've always wanted. I found this great picture, I've dubbed it "Ode To My Dog." I think it's very sweet and speaks to me. My fondness for dogs can't be pinpointed to one specific event or circumstance. From a very young age, so young that I can't remember, I've had a soft spot in my heart for dogs.

One of my first memories I have of myself being so giving to dogs is when I was 6 or 7 years old (1st grade). Our neighbors house was separated from our side yard by a tall, wood fence. They kept silky terriers in very small kennels, stacked on top of each other outside, regardless of the weather. In this stack of kennels they also piled their trash; wood piles, cardboard boxes, random appliances. Amongst the garbage and crated dogs the possums, raccoons and rats would scavenge and poop. I remember knowing this was wrong and being so outraged that no one else thought this was a big deal. Without fear, I would stick my arm through the fence and offer these strange dogs handfuls of food and sips of water. I never considered how pissed the neighbors would be, the dangers of getting bit by the dogs or vermin or hurting myself in the fence.

I don't know how long this lasted but one morning I woke up, went outside to feed and water the neighbor dogs and they were gone. I was heartbroken.

My parents did not tell me right away out of fear I would leak this story to the neighborhood but under night's dark cover, my parents had removed part of the fence and rescued the dogs and gave them to my grandparents. My Dad then repaired the fence as if nothing had happened. My grandparents bathed the dogs and treated them for malnutrition and whatever else ailed them.

The bond I have made w/my dog Sophie, my nearly 11 year old sheltie, is one that is so special to me. She has been my greatest companion. She has been a constant positive distraction in my life. I got her when I was 17 years old and the longest we've been apart is 6 days.

Her place in my life has determined where I live, my schedule, vacations, etc. I won't say it's like having a kid, b/c its not. I have a friend I know I will out live. It's bitter sweet. I know our time together has an expiration date, so every time she makes me feel free or helps me find peace I make sure to permanently record that moment in my mind. But that is not enough. She is permanently apart of me, so I want to display what she has given to me and there is no better tribute then to have her smiling face and twinkling eyes tattooed. Once I find the right artist in the Portland area, I will have it done.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

can't ignore the pinched nerve in the room

It's been said that spontaneity is the key to keeping a relationship exciting. Me on the other hand, would just for once like to know who I'm coming home to. I never know if when he walks through the door if he'll be content, irritated, happy, relaxed - I never know anymore.

He lectured me about eating his pizza. The pizza he bought. The pizza he was planning on eating. These two slices of pizza represented how the money is spent in our house, ownership, respect and everything else that one can symbolize pizza with. I know it wasn't about the pizza, he even said it wasn't about the pizza. But after the fourth time he repeated himself, I had had enough.

Chronic physical pain changes a person. They're always tired, always trying to sleep, and when awake always floating in this state of irritated and pitiful.

I've hit a wall. I can't exhale this tension away tonight. It was so bad I couldn't even enjoy my Mystery Science Theater 3000 that I've been waiting for and it just arrived today. I switched to Law and Order SVU and tried to do a crossword. I couldn't ignore how sad I was.

I find myself being cynical when watching jewelry commercials. The man giving the woman, this love in his life, a shiny symbol of his love, acceptance, dedication and joy that he has with her; it perfectly packaged as a pendent or simple necklace. All I want is him to be happy. Express joy - but he's been unable to since this pinched nerve in his neck has taken over his life and mine. We used to do things together and now we don't even watch tv in the same room.

How do you describe a falling out when the thing to blame is a pinched nerve? I'm not nurturing enough. He says I go out of my way to make things more difficult for him. He says that. He actually tells me he thinks I go out of my way to make things more difficult for him.


I may not wait on him and do more then ask him if he's comfortable but I do all the shopping, cooking and cleaning. I bite my tongue when he's going off about anything, everything - I take it because I know it's not him bitching - it's the nerve. I do all this while working 35 hrs/wk and have class 14 hrs/wk, not including travel time or time dedicated to homework.

I won't let him know how much it has hurt me that my birthday has come and gone without any hype from him, yet I invested weeks, money and testing my anxiety for his birthday bash. I'd like to think my birthday would have been more important to him if he wasn't in so much pain...

I was so looking forward to my break from school. Tonight all I found myself wishing for was being in the classroom, away from him. Away from my house. Away from his pinched nerve that has stolen my charming boyfriend from me.

He sends me a text from the basement he's sorry, the pizza is not that big of a deal. It's just that he's so tired and in a lot of pain. I don't text back. Why would I? We're in the same house!! Half hour goes by and he comes and finds me, asks if I want to watch the finale of So You Think You Can Dance... I pass.

I'd rather Google pinched nerve and investigate how to get him back. I'd rather just write. I'd rather sit alone.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

why I don't do my birthday

Sent out the Evite, sent text messages to friends and family; having dinner and want you to be there. Fourteen people said, "I'll be there!!" Made the reservation for 15, show up at the restaurant and, including myself, 5 people in total.


I was embarrassed. I was disappointed. Lets face it, I was hurt. I'm looking at this long table the restaurant set up for my birthday and only five seats were taken. I had good conversation w/the few that showed, fueled by the Jack Daniels that eased the pain of having no one come. It made it very obvious to me that my relationships w/my friends and family are pitiful. The excuses I received via text message from two people, blamed the weather (it was only cold, no snow or ice). One had a sick kid and another had car trouble. The insult came from the six people who just didn't show up.

I bought my own drinks and dinner. Audrey drove me home.

I couldn't sleep. I watched bad tv and did a crossword. I was hoping for snow, so I could get up and take Serena outside and bring my spirits up but so far, nothing. It's just cold.

This is why I still don't celebrate birthdays. They are so disappointing. I never did them so no one cares. Now that I want them to care, they still don't care. I end up being disappointed in the end and I just don't want to put myself through that. I get hurt b/c I put so much energy into my friends' birthdays - planning or gift or whatever they want, really.

It's easier for me to be bitter then cry right now. This blog is very negative, I know but it's my outlet.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Listening to The Buzz Daria reads this article and I sincerely almost pulled over I was so dizzy and nausea.

Read with caution. These sisters, twin sisters eat one of the sister's baby's placenta.

The End.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Re-building trust is a game of Janga

I tread lightly when this topic is discussed in my household. I never know where it will lead; more disappointment(s) or happiness? This must scream volumes about my relationship. I admit, the trust in our relationship is not at 100%. This makes me sad, and I quickly think of something else. It's how I cope. Not the healthiest way, but hey, I'm still recovering.

Last night the topic of Facebook was brought up. (Again, tread very lightly here). I expressed to Andrew that he keeps his account somewhat protected or secretive by not allowing comments to be posted or to have people see who his friends are, there are two ways of reading that. First, I know that he feels he's been burned by people creating drama through these friendship networks (Facebook, Myspace). People have viewed his pages, interpreted comments in ways that he feels are inaccurate and that caused tension in our relationship. And second way of reading it, he has something to hide. He quickly defends he has nothing to hide. Nothing. NOTHING!! It's all about drama, he just doesn't want it. He's a private guy.

Ok... then why do I get that panic feeling inside? Why do I still not believe him?

It's nearly 11 months since he crossed that line and broke my trust in our relationship. So much has happened since January; I had a border-line emotional break down, re-entered therapy and group, Andrew promising he was in this relationship, then Andrew moving out b/c he just didn't know what he wanted, Andrew moving back in when he knew what he wanted and promised me "A, B and C." Couple months go by w/o him following through with promises "A, B and C" and drama involving Facebook and Her. He befriended Her after all our heartache and it's "none of my business" or "I should just trust him"; I forget which statement he used as his defense for befriending Her. I think this all ties into why he keeps his Facebook account so limited to viewers. Including me.

I haven't asked him in awhile if he's had contact with Her. I hate to admit it but I'm afraid he'll either lie to me or be honest and the answer will be yes. As his 30th birthday approached this question ate at me. Did She contact him? Did She send him a text, "Happy Birthday"? Did he contact Her? And I know I have to let this go.

I know this... I know this!

Andrew told me them being friends on Facebook means nothing. He's known Her since they were kids, they've been through so much together, etc. and he is not going to let me make any decisions for him. I'm confused? If Facebook means nothing but you're justifying the Facebook friendship because you've known Her for so many years and everything you two have been through, doesn't that actually mean this Facebook friendship has meaning to you?

What really hurts me is I don't try to dictate his life. My hurt is triggered whenever She is involved - why can't he let Her go? Why is their Facebook friendship more important then our relationship?

That's when our conversation turns into an argument and we talk (I cry) in circles and we get nowhere. So, is it better to just not talk about Her and Facebook, Myspace, etc.? I really don't know.

I try to compare the attachment Andrew has with Her to my attachment to my ex, Amjad. We still communicate. An email or text here when big things happen. He's buying a house, he emailed me pictures. When Michael Jackson died he texted me the news b/c he knew I'm such a fan. A mutual friend's dad died so I got a text message. That's three contacts in a span of a year or so. I don't even send a text on his birthday, nor do I get one from him on mine. The main factor that separates my communication w/Amjad and Andrew's communication w/Her; I didn't have an inappropriate relationship w/Amjad while being in a relationship w/Andrew.

One thing I'm certain of is I don't feel as fragile as I did in January 2009. I feel in better control of my emotions. My thoughts are clearer and I can focus more on what really is bothering me verses spinning every little situation into a huge ordeal and basically losing control of my emotions. This is what I call progress. (Thank you Dr. Preece and Al-Anon). And I'm very proud of this.

I decide each time I feel that panic what to make of it. Do I allow myself to spin out of control? Do I confront Andrew? Do I confide in Andrew? The way I'm rebuilding our trust, because I crossed lines w/Andrew as well, is I confide in him. I don't know if he sees it that way. I think he sees it as me freaking out or not trusting him, but the truth is I don't trust him, yet. And I want to. So I tell him I'm having these feelings, instead of acting out the insecure feelings.

I don't know if Andrew fully trusts me. There were a couple weeks when I knew what was going on between him and Her because I was going through his phone, reading text messages and times when he left his email account open and I went through them. I betrayed him. He didn't understand why I couldn't just come to him w/my suspicions. Why did I have to snoop and let what I found eat at me? Very valid questions.

Much like Janga the broken trust we have, the mistakes we've made are the pieces we removed. But we are building on top of those mistakes - adding those Janga pieces back. I just hope our foundation hasn't been destroyed and all the pieces tumble over and we lose this game.

I'm taking each day as it comes. I get tested on my ability to cope w/feelings of insecurity and I believe I am making strides. Andrew has played a huge part in my growth, good or bad. We recognize the wonderful qualities in each other and appreciate each other. We may not do it every day, but I can see him too adding pieces to the top, he's trying. We're trying to win this game of Janga.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Post second round of finals

Last night went much smoother then Monday night. Last night was kind of a big night, we were being tested on Trauma Assessment and vital signs.

Vitals are not tricky - can I use a BP cuff, yes. Can I get a BP in under 90 seconds? Yes. Can I palpate a radial pulse? Yes. Do I know how to listen to lung sounds? Yes. Patient breathes through mouth, w/stethoscope listen to the four quadrants of the chest and there's (depending on how in depth you want to go), 8-9 spots on the back to listen to. Station done. Passed, no problems.

Trauma Assessment - it's like a script you have to memorize and incorporate that script into a scenario given at the time of the test.

Proctor: You are called to a residence where a 35 year old female has fallen 30 feet onto pavement.
Candidate: BSI, scene safe?
Proctor: Your scene is safe.
Candidate: My MOI (mechanism of injury) is a 30 foot fall. I will call for ALS back-up and stabilize the spine.
(Arrive on scene)
Candidate: my general impression of the patient is poor...

I continue to assess LOC (level of consciousness) and if the patient is alert by asking the patient open ended questions and performing a painful stimuli test by rubbing their sternum or pinching a nail bed. (Proctor: there is no reaction, patient is unconscious). I determine the patient's chief complaint is that they are unconscious and I'm making the patient a high priority transport.

I begin assessing the patient's ABCs: Using a jaw-thrust I have my partner open the mouth and airway, I look for any objects in the patient's mouth, (Proctor: you see none), with my ear over patient's open mouth I listen for breath sounds and watch for a minimum of 5 seconds for chest and rise and fall. (Proctor: you hear breath sounds but have uneven chest rise and fall). I expose the chest and auscultate, (listen w/stethoscope).

Candidate: What is the patient's breathing rate, rhythm and quality?
Proctor: She's breathing at 40 breaths per minute, it's rapid and shallow.
Candidate: I'd have my partner use a BVM (bag valve mask) that's connected to high concentrated oxygen at 15 LPM, giving 1 rescue breath every 5 seconds. Throughout this entire assessment I would make sure the patient is getting properly ventilated. Are there any major bleeds or life threats?
Proctor: none.
Candidate: (back of hand on patient's arm) What is the condition of the skin?
Proctor: cool and clammy.

I begin my rapid physical exam. I use the terms D-CAP BTLS. D-CAP stands for Deformities Contusions Abrasions Punctures. BTLS stands for Burns Tenderness Lacerations Swelling. I use my hands starting at the skull quickly checking for D-CAP BTLS, when I get to the neck/throat I inform the proctor at this time I will perform a detailed physical on the back of the neck, the throat, the clavicles and shoulders b/c I want to put a C-Collar on the patient. I check for tracheal deviation and JVD (jugular venous pressure,). (Proctor: you find nothing.).

I have my partner put a C-Collar on the patient and I continue my rapid exam and D-CAP BTLS the chest, abdominal, check if the pelvis is intact, D-CAP BTLS the legs, D-CAP BTLS the arms - done with rapid. I would instruct my partner to obtain a baseline vitals. Vitals are blood pressure, pulse, breathing rate, check the eyes and skin condition. While my partner obtained the baseline vitals I would get a SAMPLE history from by standers (since the patient is unconscious). I would then have my partner stabilize the patient's spine while we perform a log roll and I would perform a detailed physical exam on the patient's posterior (D-CAP BTLS) and I would put her on a board and I would re-evaluate my transport decision. I would keep her at a high priority transport and we would transport the patient at this time.

During transport I would perform my detailed physical exam. I would start at the head and work my way down perform D-CAP BTLS with a few changes. First, I would inspect the ears, nose, eyes and mouth for any blood or fluids. I would look through the hole on the C-Collar and check for JVD and tracheal deviation. I would "cut and cover" the patient, (remove all clothing), and perform D-CAP BTLS of the entire body. When I get to the pelvis I would check the genitalia and perineum for any injuries or release. When I reach the feet, I'd remove the socks and shoes check for motor skills (have the patient point there toes or push my hands with their feet), check for sensory (can the patient tell me which toe I'm touching without looking) and check for a pedal pulse on both feet. I'd move up the arms, D-CAP BTLS, and check the motor skills of the hands (can the patient squeeze my fingers), sensory (can the patient tell me which finger I'm touching without looking), and take a bi-lateral radial pulse.

I would make sure my partner checks the vitals every 5 minutes and I would manage any secondary injuries/wounds.


That should all happen in under 10 minutes. YIKES!!

I failed my first attempt because I did not verbalize I would have my partner stabilize the spine, but I would have my partner consider stabilitation of spine. So I re-took it, no problems.

Monday 12/07/09 is the big, fat written final and medical assessment. I'm nervous about both. The written is 150 questions and the medical assessment is similar to the trauma, but the patient is awake and you have to ask a lot of questions.

I'm so looking forward to this term being over! I also have my Biology final and Math final next week. Both are on my birthday, 12/10/09. I'll be 26 and my second term in college will be over. What a great birthday present.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Annoy: verb; irritate, upset.

I'm on Google looking up "most annoying character of all time" to help illustrate how f*cking annoying this guy is I work with. Unfortunately Google cannot come up with a character, cartoon or sitcom character, that creates the same volatile reaction I get when this co-worker's name is merely mentioned.

It doesn't help that he's the new guy on the block. He's replaced another annoying person, but in retrospect, she didn't annoy me as much as irritate me because she was often lazy. This guy, New Guy, he's a singer, a hummer, a name rhymer, blinks his eyes at an unnatural speed when nervous (very distracting), a stands behinds you while you're on hold with California DMV for 13 minutes and breathes on your neck. Uh, if it was that damn important that you could stand behind me in my tiny cubicle and breath at me please just say, "excuse me..." and ask me the God-damned question all ready!!!!

I don't shy away from expressing my dissatisfaction with the place where I work. I think management gets unbelievable special treatment and hourly/entry to mid-level employees get verbally and emotionally abused while corporate turns a blind-eye to what's going on at each store as long as they're making money.

New Guy is a very nice person. He keeps a clean office, from what I've seen he sincerely tries to get the customers in and out as quickly as possible. It's his damn song-and-dance routine, it's so fake I can't stomach it.

It's hard for me to make friends at work. I think it's because most of the people I work with are mistreated and that's traumatized them. Management's dictatorial manner of forcing "make-that-sale-no-matter-what" blinders on them has created such tension and competition, combine that with the degrading atmosphere no one is in touch with who they really are. I truly believe most people are good; perhaps it's their work that makes them so very bad.

The two people I did befriend, Shallah and Kashann, have since left the dealership and have moved on to better jobs, more fulfilling jobs; jobs that don't make them cry or hate themselves for trading in their morals for bonuses. Jobs that don't turn them into rotten people.

My job has absolutely changed me over the past 6 1/2 years. When I started I was very pleasant - granted I was the front desk receptionist, but I was very pleasant. That warmth got me into a lot of trouble by capturing the attention from the sleazy men I worked with. Jokes and comments turned to hurtful nicknames and harassment.

When I feel myself hitting that point of no return with New Guy, I stop and ask myself, "Would I have liked New Guy six years ago?" Is it truly New Guy that is so annoying or is it my disposition with this place that makes him seem so unbearable?

I want to be a happy person again. I can't wait to graduate and be in a place that promotes health and happiness. I sincerely hope that when I'm the new guy, I'm greeted with someone who hasn't been tainted by the job. And it's with that thought that calms me down and gives New Guy a chance.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Post first set of finals

Ok, finals royally suck. I now understand why my friends had cram sessions, over dosed on triple lattes and cried a little before this dreadful week. Last term wasn't this bad. I took writing, intro to EMT and my required PE class. There were stressful times, but nothing compared to this week.

Round one of my skills were last night. What I was tested on: O2 Administration, Heimlich into CPR on an adult, CPR on an infant, Bag-Valve-Mask (BVM) w/O2 into Combitube, mouth to mask and OPA to suction to NPA administration.

Oxygen Administration - I wasn't too worried about this. Going into this station, you just hope your equipment is working. We have to demonstrate that we know how to set-up, read and monitor an oxygen tank and non-rebreather mask and nasal cannula on a conscious patient. This station takes a few minutes and I completed w/o any marks.

CPR on an infant - went flawless! I was nervous b/c babies are aliens and you do things so differently. But I checked for LOC, called for back up, head tilt/chin lift, rescue breaths, compressions, second EMT entered the scene and I was in total control. I passed. Yes!

Heimlich on an adult into CPR - we use manikins that are only torso and head. We have to verbalize EVERYTHING. I'm holding my torso and head, informing the proctor that I would position my foot in between my patients legs while giving abdominal thrusts, "Until when?" asked the proctor.
Until the patient becomes unconscious or whatever object is blocking the airway is expelled. Well my patients goes unconscious. I assist him to the floor and this is when my nerves got the best of me.

I did the proper head tilt, chin lift and looked in the mouth and asked the proctor if I saw anything, he instructed me I did not. I should have given one breath and asked if it went in, but I gave two rescue breaths, didn't check for pulse and went into compressions. Eek. I failed. The proctor lightened the atmosphere, pulled me aside and told me to relax - I know this, I just need to relax. This was my very first station and my nerves got the best of me. Embarrassed, I walked out of the testing room while all my classmates giving me the thumbs up sign, I quickly turned my big-fat FAILED sheet into my instructor, Mr. Cooper, and got in line to start a new station.

Bag Valve Mask (BVM) w/O2 combined w/Combitube - many people were nervous about this station. I was not. I knew this station. We're being tested if we know how to use our BVM, give proper ventilation (1 breath/5 seconds) w/O2 (15 LPM) - then second EMT enters scene and we have to instruct them to continue ventilating at the proper rate and maintain that face seal w/the BVM. While they do that I check the integrity of my Combitube (no leaks, everything in working fashion), then the stressful part - inserting the Combitube CORRECTLY and start breathing again under 30 seconds. I did mine in 22 seconds. This station went smoothly.

Mouth to Mask - we use our pockets masks. We're tested on if we know how to use them, create a proper seal and give the correct amount of rescues breaths (1 breath/5seconds) and connect it to an O2 tank and continue breathing. Passed.

OPA/Suction/NPA - Ugh. I had this down!!! OPA, oropharyngeal airway, is that piece of plastic EMTs stick in your mouth to keep your tongue from blocking your airway. Did it. The test continues as if the patient is having a gag reflex and I must remove the OPA and suction whatever the patient spit up/vomited and prepare them for the NPA, nasopharyngeal airway. When it came to suction this is where I did the critical fail. You check to make sure you have suction, there are two ways to do this. You kink the hose, this is what I did, and you put your finger over this hole - this I did not do. The proctor failed me. I inserted the OPA and the NPA flawlessly. This put me in such a sourer mood.

We get to re-take these practicals. I'll be calmer the second go but I wanted to ace them the first time! All my buddies passed the first go around and it just pisses me off, lol.

Wednesday we're being tested on the AED and trauma assessment. I'm nervous, but I think I'll keep it together now that I know what I'm getting into. I have some re-takes to do, which sucks, but this term is almost over. Yes!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

In the wee hours of the morning

Can't sleep. My mind will not stop rolling over all the things I have to study before my finals start in roughly 37 hours. I'm usually a sound sleeper, but tonight, I stared at my phone, 3:03am. I rolled around, drank some water but decided to type some of this anxiety and BAM!! Here I am at 4:22am.

I had a study group meet-up w/some EMT classmates. It went well. We spent a lot of time bullshitting, but did go over some skills. I'm still so very nervous. I've invested so much time, money and energy into the last six months, I will be devastated if I fail and it was all a waste. It will be such a disappointment to restart the program again.

Monday we're being tested on O2 administrating (non-rebreather and nasal cannula), BVM, OPA/NPA w/suction, Combitube and possibly CPR (adult and infant) and choking adult (heimlich). I know this stuff but I'm surprised how freaked out I am. I'm not worried about the CPR/AED we'll be tested on Wednesday. I'm really concerned about the medical and trauma assessments we're performing and of course, the 150 question final. But I have another wkend before that and another study group.

I am up at 4:30am unable to sleep because I'm filled w/worry. I want this term to be over. I want to move forward w/my new schedule and start managing my stress better. I'm going to spend the bulk of today doing review over my skills and also I want to complete my study guide for my Biology and my take home quiz that's due Tuesday.

I need to write out a plan for today so I won't be overwhelmed or lose track of what I need to accomplish w/my homework TODAY. That's my problem. I sit down to study, I get overwhelmed by the different classes work load and do a lot of stuff but don't complete any assignments.


Ahhh... I want to ace my EMT stuff. I really do. I did so shitty on my mid-term (78%!!!), I want to ace the info this time around! It's so important to me not to fail at school. This is my ticket out of Tonkin. It's my ticket into a career, me finding happiness and being apart of something that is good vs. working for a corporation that uses their employees and allows management to run the show by any means as long as they make that money!

I'm going to do some crosswords... hopefully that will make me tired. I have a full day of studying ahead of me.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Black Friday 2009

Thanksgiving was typical with a splash of something new. Andrew and I met his family; mother, step-father, brother and grandmother, at Gustov's last night. We ate and left in under an hour. I was happy for the invite and thankful Andrew's step-father paid. I'd give more details but it was quite uneventful. They are not a talkative bunch. Although, I was surprised by how irritated the grandmother got when a child, maybe a year and half old, was crying in the restaurant. She was so annoyed, she left!

The crying child was three or four tables away in a booth. He was fussy but I guess it didn't bother me. I felt bad for his parents but they let him cry for a few minutes and then one of them took him outside until he calmed down. Perhaps Andrew's grandmother is not used to going to a family restaurant on a holiday... I absolutely expected the restaurant to be crowded and noisy. I was surprised by her absolute intolerance of the fussy child and how everyone at the table told her she could leave. I guess it made her extremely uncomfortable...? To me, it was background noise.

The splash of new is I went to my mother's house after dinner at Gustov's. Andrew met my mother and her boyfriend, Jerry. This is a first. A boyfriend met my mother. Amjad has met my mother but it was always extremely brief and the situation would be saturated with drama. I believe he met her at our Senior Prom. My mother came over to what used to be her house w/the family, and took pictures of us. And the second time they communicated was a couple months later when Amjad and I graduated high school. My Dad took the entire family out to dinner.

We arrived at the house and chatted up Jerry, who was cleaning up the kitchen. To my surprise my only uncle on my mother's side, Gene, was spending time w/his grandmother, my great grandmother, Helen, at the house. Andrew and I joined them downstairs and made small talk. I haven't seen my Great Grandmother Helen since 1987 and I haven't seen my Uncle Gene in nearly 6 years.

We made our way upstairs and met up with my sisters, Emily and Katie, and while we stood in their door way and talked my mother came out of her bedroom. My boyfriend officially met my mother. Nothing awkward. She said hello, she was waking up from a nap. Andrew and I stayed maybe another 15 minutes, said hi and bye to everyone.

The hardest part was coming home and Andrew having no idea what a gigantic step that was. I felt a little sad. There were five years of my life where my mother and I could not speak to each other. Our emotions did not allow us to talk - we could only scream or not stand to be in the same room w/the other. All I ever felt was anger. I used to pray to Jehovah to forgive me for hating my mother. I hated the things she did and said - I was consumed by my anger. I did not have the maturity to take in the big picture, all I saw was her leaving and hearing her lies. And since all we could do was scream, I was not allowed in her home, on her property - I was not allowed to visit my siblings. I would call and leave messages with no returns. I would call and someone would answer and immediately the phone would slam down in my ear. I was hospitalized and she did not come, she did not call. I was not acknowledged as one of her children.

It took me five years to mature, experience life w/o a mother's guidance, get therapy and just let go of that anger that I used to shield myself from the pain I was really feeling over my parents divorce and at the loss of losing my sister; who left w/my mother when she moved out of the house. Five years is a fifth of my life!

Andrew didn't get it or was not interested. His shoulder was hurting him. I just felt like crying. What do you do when a huge moment happens and no one around you cares? I just wanted someone to say, "this is so awesome that you and your mother can finally do this." B/c so much heartache is just below the surface. So many questions, so much time lost, so many things we both missed out on.

But to look to the future, hopefully this continues. Hopefully I can continue to process things w/o anger and letting go of the past. And in turn, she continues to let me come over and we can chat, perhaps about something other then the dogs. Maybe school, maybe life, maybe what the hell have you been doing since 2003?

It is Black Friday. I feel a little isolated yet I'm at work. I don't have class tonight, so that's awesome. I will remember this Thanksgiving for years to come.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving Eve

First I need to update you on the weekend's festivities. Andrew's birthday went smoothly w/o any kinks that I can recall. Lots of friends, lots of drinking but no breaking of items, no peeing on anything (just in toilets), the house guests decided to par-tay hard at The Jupiter Hotel instead of our place so it ended up being all good in the end. Besides Andrew's shoulder still causing him a lot of discomfort, the weekend went well.

Tomorrow is that wonderful day of gorging, Thanksgiving. I'm not big on Thanksgiving. I'm not against it; I think the origins have been lost over the years.

(History lesson time!)
The Pilgrims left England in September 1620 on a 65 day trip to The New World. This trip was funded by a group of English investors who made a contract w/the Pilgrims; hey if we pay for your trip, once you reach the new world you can practice any religion you want, you just have to perform back-breaking work for us for the next, oh seven years.

After the two month plus trip, enduring shortage of food and sickness, they arrive in Plymouth, MA. They learned not to fear the natives, they were a peaceful bunch. But the first winter was devastating. The 110 that survived the voyage to America, 60 died from cold and sickness. With the first spring, things started getting better. The settlement was completely constructed, the sickies from the winter were getting better and the Native American that had nearly everything to do w/the Pilgrims survival entered their lives. Samoset taught the Pilgrims how to farm; how to harvest corn, what plants were poisonous, which plants had medicinal purposes, to tap the Maple trees and so much more.

That October the Pilgrims had a very successful crop. They had strong homes, plenty of food - things were good. Pilgrim Governor, William Bradford declared a day of Thanks and invited the Native Americans that helped them beat all odds. For three days these neighbors celebrated their good fortune w/food, games and bonding.

What an excellent story. I'll celebrate that each year. But that is only part of how Thanksgiving became an American holiday.

Keep in mind the Pilgrims did not have success every year. The very next fall/winter things weren't so great for our lovable Pilgrims. The Pilgrims were still learning how to store their crops and did not do so properly and had a food shortage. Come spring/summer and it was very hot and the dry spell damaged most of their fields. The Pilgrim Governor ordered a day of fasting and prayer. The story goes that soon after that day the rains returned and they had an awesome harvest and then Governor Bradford declared that an annual day of thanks, Thanksgiving, was to be a custom.

An annual day of thanks after the harvest was practiced through the years. It was during the American Revolution (late 1770s), Continental Congress suggested a National Day of thanks. In 1817 New York adopted Thanksgiving Day as an annual holiday but no official date was set for the nation. In 1863 President Lincoln set Thanksgiving holiday as the 4th Thursday in November.

So there's a very brief history lesson. And with that I will be spending Thanksgiving dinner around a table at Gustov's, a German restaurant w/Andrew's mother, step father, brother and Grand mother.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Celebrate good times w/the ones you love.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's (almost) par-tay time

It's the morning of Andrew's 30th birthday bash. Pattison is sleeping on our couch in the basement. Andrew is half asleep, cuddling w/Rena in our bed and I've showered, had breakfast and am here. Andrew's bum shoulder flared up and we have canceled the bowling part of his bash. I'm a little bummed, I really like "Rockin' Bowl." You get the lights turned off, black lights turned on and rock'n roll hits while striking. Instead we're ordering Ortiz vs. Griffin (UFC and GO GRIFFIN!!!), getting some pizzas and playing poker at our place. Low maintenance and what Andrew wants. I'm totally game.

I'll keep updates coming :)

Friday, November 20, 2009

Obama Chia. Day 5

His fro is starting to fill out more on the top. This is the first time I've ever grown anything. I'm not sure what to expect - I sorta thought he'd smell like a plant but right now, nothing.

Resevoir Turtles


Thursday, November 19, 2009

eating sushi in the office

I should be working on my lab report, but I'd much rather pass the time by eating sushi and writing a blog, catching up on blogs and commenting on my followers' blogs.

Class tonight (Biology 112) was interesting. It's interesting most nights, but I really enjoyed tonight's lecture. I was able to get involved in discussions. Not that I'm a super genius, but I understood the basics of protein and DNA synthesis and could follow along w/the big brains in the class. It made the two hours fly by.

My first (and hopefully last) lab report is due tomorrow (Biology). It's boring to read, boring to write and worth a big chunk of my grade. I'm not sweating it b/c even if I do so-so on it, my grade in lab right now is kickass and I sincerely did the best I could w/the amount of knowledge and interest I had on the topic. It's about potatoes turning brown once you cut into them. Not exciting stuff.

Tomorrow night Andrew's friend Scott Pattison, (let's just call him Pattison), arrives for his extended weekend stay (he leaves Monday). Pattison is a pretty awesome guy. We get along very well which is great b/c Andrew and Pattison are as close to BFFs as heterosexual men can get. One problem w/Pattison, when he drinks, he destroys things. He destroys things by breaking them or peeing on them. This weekend is Andrew's 30th birthday. There will be a lot of drinking going on. I'm trying to keep this little known fact of Pattison breaking and peeing on things when drunk out of my mind. But now that I'm within 24 hours until his train arrives in Portland, I'm looking around my apartment and realizing how many of my things I like not broken and not peed on.

I'm hopeful that all my belongings will remain in their current state after Pattison's visit. I guess I'll update you as the weekend progresses.

I should get back to my lab report...
The one that needs only a few tweaks and then that's all I'm able to do otherwise I'm afraid my mind will commit suicide from being so bored.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Obama Chia. Day 3

It's starting to sprout. The sprouts look like sperm.
I went with the tip of placing a loose plastic bag over my Obama Chia and I think that has helped.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married...

Over the past week I've realized how many of my friends from high school are married, getting married or just got married. It's overwhelming. Emily and Alex got married this month (a little bummed I didn't get an invitation). I just read Jenn and Ryan got married, again really bummed I didn't get an invitation but the wedding was in Sunriver and I wouldn't have been able to make it. Nick is marrying his girlfriend in January. I think Shanna got married; she has pics of her wearing what appears to be a wedding dress on her Facebook. Jason and Michelle married w/a baby. Joel and Kelsey married w/a baby. Siobhan and Ryan married w/two babies. Audrey and Graham engaged.

It makes me a little sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy w/my current relationship. I have no desire to be married at this point in my life. I have so much going on right now; I don't think I could be the wife I want to be. I want to work a little more on who I am, before I go and vow my life to a man. I'm turning 26 in a little more than 3 weeks and it's hitting me how quickly time passes. Five years ago I would have thought I would have been married, possibly w/a child to my then boyfriend by now. So much has been squeezed into these past five years, it's amazing how quickly it has flown by.

It makes me hope I'm not forgetting to value each day as unique and fleeting. I'm so happy I'm finally in school. I'm so happy that I'm living in a place I really like and sharing it w/someone who makes me laugh all the time. Things can always be better and things could always be worse. Marriage is just something I've always wanted and assumed it would happen in my early 20s. Now that I'm in my mid-20s there's no way I would have been successful, I think, if I would have married years ago.

I look at the pictures posted from my high school friends and I remember most of them how they were. It's been so long since we've hung out all I have to associate them by is how we were 8-10 years ago. I see their grown up faces in their wedding photos but attach their youthful character and can't believe they're married! I'm so happy for each of them finding someone they want to spend the rest of their life with. I do wish everyone success and happiness in their marriage.

My bit of sadness comes from remembering the past. The fun we had as teenagers and how much has changed in such a short time. People I used to see every day and couldn't imagine not speaking to are now just a category in my Facebook account. I read their updates and comment occasionally, but it's so strange. I don't know these people anymore. So much of my teen years were spent talking - talking in depth w/these people about everything. Nothing was off limits and we shared a connection that cannot be duplicated.

These changes have been great for most. We've matured, experienced life, gotten an education, prioritized to have more sentiment instead of things and taken that step into adulthood and relieved our parents of the responsibility of our actions.

I think of my parents and what they were doing at my age. At 25, nearly 26 my mother had three children and pregnant with me. At 25, nearly 26 my father had four children. They were married and scraping by. I'm sure they were stressed but happy. People make due w/what they have. At 25 nearly 26, I have three dogs. I share that responsibility w/my boyfriend. He turns 30 this Saturday. He hasn't done any freaking out, but I'm sure some reflection is taking place. It's only natural.

I try to make a general plan of what I want out of my life to keep me working towards something that will be better then now. I want to finish school, hopefully in the two years designed by the program. I want to get a job in Portland. I want to buy a house. I want to get married. I want all of this before I have my 31st birthday.

That gives me a little more than 4 years.

That's when I think a plan isn't such a good idea. Maybe just keep working on me and let those other things fall into place. I don't stress about them, I just think about them. I lose sight of today when thinking about the big picture. I am content with my life. I'm working for more, but not unappreciative w/what I gained thus far.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Planting and caring for your Chia Obama

1. Submerge your Chia in water for 1 hour.
2. In a separate container, mix 2 teaspoons of Chia Seeds and 1/4 cup of water. Allow to sit for 1 hour, stirring mixture occasionally to moisten the seeds. The seeds will form a gel-like paste which will help seeds adhere to your Chia Obama.
3. Fill Chia Obama with water and place in drip tray provided. Apply seed mixture to the grooved surfaces of your Chia, using your fingers, or a small knife or spoon. Take care not to clump seeds. You may not use all of the seed mixture.
4. Place your Chia in an area with good sun exposure. (Chias do not like extreme heat or extreme cold. Your windowsill may be too harsh.)
5. Keep your Chia Obama filled with water each day. Water will accumulate into the drip tray. You can carefully reuse this water, or discard it. It is important to keep the seeds moist for the first few days after planting. This can be achieved by using a loose plastic bag to cover your Chia until the seeds sprout (3-4 days), creating a mini-greenhouse. This increases warmth and humidity around the seeds. Frequent misting will also help.
6. Soon your Chia Obama will have a full head of growth. Turn your Chia toward the light source regularly to keep the growth even.
7. When the Chia growth appears leggy, it is time to remove the old growth. Depending upon the conditions in your home, your Chia will have a lifespan of approximately 4 weeks. Chia Obama should be washed and can be replanted indefinitely.

I bought mine at Fred Meyer's for $16.99.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

truly LOL (thanks Matt)

I was reading older posting's from Matt's blog and I came across this one. Truly a find!! It totally made my day :)

Mr. Iz Walks It Out

My boyfriend is lucky. He found a job that he loves and is really good at. He is an amazing teacher b/c he's smart, sincere and can connect w/his kids.
This is from a summer leadership camp...

mon amour Marconi

I spent nearly one and half years as a Marconi Mafia/Porkland/ hot girl on a hot mic in-studio guest. I was able to share the airwaves and talk the talk w/the man behind the sound, the man that for so many years gave me something reliable when everything else in my life was so unreliable. The power of radio is something I can't express. It captures me. I get addicted to radio and feel a connection to the people more then any television program.

This all started in my pre-teen years, 7th grade to be exact. I listened to Marconi on two different radio stations for nearly 10 years before I was invited into the studio to meet the man. My joy to have him back on KUFO cannot be contained. I get to listen to him each evening on my drive home from school. It's a great way to end my evenings. I cannot wait to be invited back in studio, my friend!!

workin' hard and feeling it

Last night's promotion, The Big Chill by 94.7fm and Burton's sponsored by Widmer Brewery, was pretty fun. It was my rep, Charlotte, 24th birthday and I was working solo which worked out nicely. Burton had a fashion show, we did give aways; snowboards, gear, mountain passes, etc., I gave out 3oz samples of Brrr!! by Widmer through this AWESOME ice sculpture in the shape of "BRR" built up w/a funnel for me to pour the samples through to make them ice cold!! Very cool. The crowd loved it.

I worked a full day at Tonkin yesterday, (7:30 to 4:30pm), went to biology lab (6pm to 8:30pm), left early from class to get to Grand Central Bowl by 9pm, left the event around 12:30am.

Yesterday Stacy asked if I wanted to help out the Mazda side being a receptionist today (ugh)... I agreed to work a shorter shift (6hrs). I'm working 10am to 4pm then meeting Aud and Sio for a movie at 4:30pm. I have a ton of homework, need to start on party planning for next week's celebration and oh yeah - SLEEP!!

I'm enjoying a peanut butter cookie and Monster C by Odwalla now. My hands and shoulders are sore, but I feel ok over all. I feel like I need an extra day this weekend to pull myself together. I want to curl up on the couch, watch some SVU and catch up some reading for my classes. I really value my weekends and I don't mind helping out a friend, but I'm wishing I would have passed on today. I could have used the rest.

Friday, November 13, 2009

planning a birthday party doesn't have to make me crazy

Evites went out this morning. Granted it's a week till the party and Andrew just got me the email list last night/this morning, hopefully it will be a birthday to remember. I get nervous when I know some of his Northern friends will be staying w/us. I've met a few and the rest have been depicted through crazy stories of drunkenness, vandalism, crude and adulterous tales. And not all are stories from their college years, 10 years ago. Some of these stories reflect events that have happened in the past year! As I mentally prepare for the strangers staying in my house, I also must plan out my week schedule. Since I am away from the home so much between work and school, much of the cleaning and prep will rest on Andrew's shoulders. I know he'll do everything I ask of him, he may just do it minutes before people arrive. This is why Andrew and I are such a dynamic duo.

The past year I've really taken my one-on-one therapy and group therapy seriously. No, I've gotten passionate about my therapy. I want to get "better." For years I've struggled w/eating issues and the guilt and shame that go along w/it. And that guilt and shame have made me emotionally unbalanced and I have found it very difficult to understand why I can be so easily devastated and left feeling hopeless. And I've wanted to be rid of those issues and discover the root of all my struggles.

"Hi my name is Hayley."
"Hi Hayley."
"And my qualifiers are my mother and father."

Al-Anon is amazing. I knew about them in high school, thought it wouldn't work for me b/c I don't have alcoholics for parents. But my father was raised by an alcoholic and learned to outburst like an angry drunk, even when very, very sober. And my mother found a way to drown out her childhood demons in the comfort of prescription medications. That made her super mom one minute and hysterical the next. I was raised in an environment that did not advertise taking responsibility for your actions or words. Sort of a "scream now and sorta say your sorry days later" kind of motto. My insecurities were often comforted by food, the lack of food or acts of being controlled or taking control.

Andrew is a go w/the flow kinda fella. He's incredibly smart - street and book. He's done much traveling, experienced mind-altering adventures and been able to live a life w/o acknowledging baggage. Not that he hasn't experienced first hand how crazy a family can be, he's just processed things so differently then I. We have much in common, yet our coping abilities are polar opposites.

I never imagined traveling; too much planning and "what ifs" involved.
(Cue: insecurity and control issues!)
I never dreamed of completing college, I'm not smart enough.
(Again, cue insecurities).

Andrew challenges me to be saner. He sometimes gently, sometimes not so gently pushes me to test my own abilities to let go of what I know (the crazy) and just let things flow. The world keeps on turning with or without things going my way.

I re-entered therapy February 2009. This time I needed it. I felt my mind turning on itself and my emotions spinning wildly out of control. Between cutting people off, skipping work, dramatic emails to friends and family - I needed to take responsibility for my life and stop blaming everything else and everyone else from past to present on the situation I put myself in.

It's been over 9 months and I feel so much calmer. I still have my battles, my struggles but I'm now seeing a future of serenity. I'm in school. I own up to my outbursts and reactions. I may have learned to act this way as a child, but as an adult I can be "better."

This birthday party involves hosting, planning and all the other things that a year ago would have made me cry in the bathroom and inhale a party-size bag of Almond Joys. But now, I know that this is all for Andrew and I'm just happy to be apart of it. Sounds kinda kooky, but I was.
I'm so thankful for my mental and emotional health.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Christmas vs. Tradition

CHRIST ON A CROSS!! I feel like I have a zillion balls in the air and my clumsy hands can't catch a one as they fall. Between working at Tonkin this week, I did the Drambuie Dens Monday and Tuesday nights, working Friday night at Grand Central Bowl, plan Andrew's 30th birthday party (11/20/09) and squeeze in starting/finishing homework, laundry, eating, seeing Andrew besides when he's sleeping, hug the pups and shower.

Oh yeah. Christmas present shopping.

Christmas is right around the corner and I still have mixed emotions about this holiday. I never understood this holiday. Growing up we did not celebrate holidays or birthdays. I never felt like I missed out or was robbed of anything, but now that I'm older, I enjoy the holidays for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do w/religion. I love decorating my apartment. I love the smell of a Christmas tree and hanging Andrew's ornaments and hearing the story that goes along w/each one. I love putting my dogs in stupid elf and Santa costumes. I'm sure Jesus was an awesome dude that spread the word of peace and love but the whole son of God and miracles...? What's a miracle are the obnoxious masses that believe this born-of-a-virgin baby was born in a barn in deep December and wanted us to celebrate this birth by buying spoiled tots Tickle-Me-Elmos at $50 a pop. (I'm getting off point here.)- - - - - - - - - >

I love buying my friends, selected family members and boyfriend presents, wrapping them and hoping I get them something they like, want, or need. This is something I didn't really experience for the first 21-23 years of my life. In high school I would give a close friend a birthday or Christmas present. But it was always something lame - I didn't have a real job so the gift would be something cheap and small. The energy and time that goes into shopping for someone is exhausting. I never know if what I want to buy is "enough" or if something they'd normally just buy themselves so it's not that exciting. This American tradition of stressing over gifts, the value of the gifts has now successfully sneaked into my guarded Jehovah's Witness (sorta) life and corrupted my balance. This tradition sucks.

One tradition I've started w/o putting any thought or planning into is each year I take Audrey, (my best friend), to a show for our birthdays. Mine is Dec. 10th, Aud's Dec. 15th. We usually go to a concert, this year it's to the musical production of Beauty and the Beast. This present is something I cherish! So much has happened in the 10-11 years we have been close friends, we've grown apart, grown closer, matured and have grown into young, complicated women. But for a few hours in mid-December, we can unplug and enjoy the show.

I don't know what that means. It makes me wonder, what if my folks would have put more energy into making a tradition out of bonding instead of preaching Jehovah would we have benefited more as a family unit? I know my father believed (believes) he was saving our souls, but what about the family? Today the 10 of us have no bond. We have random text messages separated by weeks, sometimes months. Short quips posted on Facebook and hollow words of endearment when a birthday rolls around. It's so strange that the seven people that make up my fondest memories have no association beyond a common last name.

When I "celebrate" Christmas, I feel it's a way for me to create a tradition b/c I've never had one. There is nothing my family does on a specific date, place or anything that brings us all back together. Well, we do have a song. One that I think became a staple in our household b/c my father's mother was especially fond of it, so as a teenager my father learned to play it on guitar and would sing it for his mother. In turn, us kids were raised w/my Dad often singing this song and encouraging us to sing in full voice during the chorus. I think today if we heard that song, all ten of us, that's eight kids and the two parents, would all have some memory and warm, happy feeling come over us.

Cotton Fields. That's my family's Christmas.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Hi Drambuie Den, remember me?

Ok, so it's been months, possibly a year since I've blogged. I honestly forgot I had this thing and don't really know what to do w/it. But today I'm finding it hard to focus on work tasks and am more interested in letting my mind wonder.

I worked the Drambuie Dens Monday 11/9/09 and last night, Tuesday 11/10/09. This is my second year being a server for this high-profile account. RedPeg Marketing switched things up this year by having each night at a different venue. Last year it was at the Doug Fir. LOVE THAT VENUE!! It was a wildly popular promotion last year, had lines wrapped around the street, people waiting way too long to get in to enjoy full size drinks, delicious food, great music and watch the Bartender Showcase. This year fell flat.
Monday night was at Qube Lounge (108 SW Pine St. Portland, OR). Great location - near Natio Parkway (near Waterfront Park), right off the MAX line and walking distance from all the other popular clubs; Dirty, Baracuda, McFadden’s, etc. I Googled "Qube Lounge" and came up only w/the address. Reason, Qube Lounge used to be an art gallery. The club looks like an art gallery; huge windows, tons of support beams/pillars throughout, largish open space, weird bathrooms, (toilets private but men and women share the sinks and hand-driers?), and everything is concrete. We had 500 RSVPs, around 300 showed up. Compared to last year where we average 1500 a night. I had some friends from school come so that made it fun but what rattled me was the attitude of some of the attendees.
I've turned down many promotions the past five months because my work/school schedule is very time consuming. So maybe I've been off the market and have forgotten how rude, how absolutely rude and snobby strangers can be to promo girls. My job detail is to make sure you have a great time at the event and promote the hell out of my product. How could you not? Free drinks, free food, you're out of the rain and in a night club? COME ON!! But when I receive comments that, "Oh, I don't even like this stuff" and "I'm not impressed with the girls" it puts a damper on my usual upbeat, sorta flirty, Promo-girl demeanor. I was quite disappointed in Portland Monday night.

I shook it off, convinced myself that Tuesday night was going to be the hot night b/c it was at The Agency (19th and Morrison, by PGE Park).
Again, we encountered more road blocks to what should have been a wildly, successful promotion. First, somehow the venue neglected to tell my promoters that the space they reserved was now cut in half b/c a filming crew was capturing some footage. This f*cking pissed off my event coordinator. Usually charming, mild manner Mr. Senior was rather sore over us getting "f*cked." We now had to use a smaller room upstairs and half of the basement space. And we had an additional server to our team this night. One thing that is crucial to promotions is having a qualified staff ON TIME. So many people are relying on you to orchestra an event, big or small; it's dire to be a team player and BE ON FREAKIN' TIME! I was panicked b/c I was 5 minutes late (thanks to a car accident on 84W). But when I walked through the doors (5 min late), I was only the 2nd of five servers to be there. Hmmm... I was not pleased. Over the next 15 minutes, the other three girls arrived.
We had to quickly update protocol/procedure to the new server, edit our layout since we were now dealing w/rooms on two different floors, introduce ourselves to our bartenders and venue staff and prepare our stations.
I have no idea how many people came last night, maybe in the 400-500, but I was hoping for the 1500 craziness of last year.
I had more friends come last night - that made things run smoother but it was such a disappointment.

I love promoting. It's sales w/o sales. My job is to talk up the product, mingle and leave people happy! What an amazing job!! I make you happy and it just didn't seem to happen.
Oh well. I have another, much smaller, event this Friday night (11/13/09) at Grand Central Bowl for Widmer Brother's Brewery. The extra cash before Christmas and Andrew's birthday is nice. I just want more out of the promotions I work. I want more from the attendees and more from the venues.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Interview with Keaton Simons

Thank you Keaton Simons, Erik Shultz and MF MAGAZINE.