I really appreciate how my father tells me, "Now, this isn't your literal heart, Hayley. It's your spiritual heart."
Ahhhh... Thanks - couldn't have figured that one out on my own, Pops.
The last J-Dub event I attended was in high school, I think it was the 2001 Passover. My guilt of leaving the religion truly only stemmed from disappointing my father, but now that I've matured and been able to separate my life and what I consider happiness and fulfillment vs what my father's definition of what happiness and fulfillment is, I can approach sermons, services, conventions and holidays very differently.
The key-note speaker is on Sunday. I think I'll attend. It's super important to my Dad and truly, I dig on religious talks. I like being in different environments and listening to crowd mentality and group thought - it's interesting to me. I'm not anti-religion, nor anti-J Dub - I'm just not a believer. I find more comfort in knowing that my eternal soul will not be judged by my actions spent on this planet, rather I'll judge myself while living presently. I'm proud of how my morals and sense of right and wrong, good and bad, smart and stupid have developed with the influence of the Kingdom Hall in my early years, and the influence of amazing people (those including some awesome freaks, homos, pets, Muslims, creative artsy types and all other walks of life that have yet to be labeled), and out of good ol' fashioned life livin' experience.
If someone finds their psychological strength to hold them self to an ethical guideline and that is self imposed by the teachings in the Bible or other religious publications - who fucking cares? Who fucking cares if they call that psychological strength "faith"? If you're a good person; great. I don't care where or how you learn to be a good person, just fucking be a good person.
I spent 43 minutes on the phone with my father; discussing how radically close we are to the ends of this Satonic world. The rise of murder-suicide in families, depression and probably any other "sign" he could grasp to prove, once again, we are in the end of days here. He finds great comfort in knowing the end is soon. Yet, he has 8 children, none are Witnesses. His wife is not a J-Dub. I used to bring that up but I think it truly saddens him. So... I'm happy that he has this bond, this connection with other Brothers and Sisters in the Hall. That he has a personal relationship with Jehovah and his son, Jesus Christ. I'm happy that he keeps his mind processing as he studies the bible and other publications. He creates questions and speeches all around this topic - trust me, it's never ending.
What the hell, right? I think I'll attend. If I do, I'll make sure to write a post about it.