Saturday, September 11, 2010

Oh! What a tangled web we weave...

Last night Audrey married Graham... they were married by Andrew.
He brought Serena. I assume he brought her so I could see her, and I'm grateful for that, but it broke my heart that she does not remember me or respond to me they way she used to when I was still her Momma.

It was ridiculously casual, 15 friends and family members present. Andrew read from his iPhone "Do you Graham take Audrey as your wife? Do you Audrey take Graham as your husband? As the powers invested in me by the State of Oregon, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." And it was done.

I went for Audrey and Graham. In no way was I prepared or ready to see Andrew, but it's done. I did it and I can keep moving forward. Healing. I try my best not to focus on all the little things that trip me up - why did he have to be the one to marry you two? He doesn't represent anything sacred or honest or loving - he is the man that broke my heart; devastated my soul. The confirmation that Serena and I no longer have that bond was like salt on a wound - but the silver lining? This is the information I need to keep pushing forward.

My girlfriends ask me, "Why aren't you like 'fuck him!'? Why do you cry over someone who disrespected you and didn't appreciate you?"

...? I don't know. Just not my nature, I guess. I've never been a person who feels that 'fuck you' after I'm burned. I just ask 'why'. I want to know why people do what they do - I just want answers.

My best friend got married to the man that she loves with all her heart and he in return loves and adores her. I can't wait for the ceremony on Sept. 10th, 2011 (9/10/11). I feel I made the right decision by attending last night. I would have regretted it otherwise.


Jessica said...

He "had" to be the one to officiate Audrey's wedding because it was her wedding.

I constantly see you asking "why" and then you're totally unable to move forward with your life until you get the answer. "Why" is paralyzing you.

There are many, many things that you'll never get the answer to. It may suck, but it's going to suck more if you continue with this loop.

Hayley Freakin' Rules said...

I've always asked 'why' and I still have so many questions unanswered. I don't think it's paralyzing me - maybe holds me back at times, but I'd much rather ask 'why' then say 'fuck you'. I feel like I'm coping well. Blogging is just an outlet for me :/ Relationships are complicated and I will always ask why - especially of my friends.

Jessica said...

Maybe "paralyzing" wasn't the best word. But I just think seeking the answer to "why" may not always be the best thing.

"Why" and "Fuck You" aren't the only options out there.