Thursday, January 6, 2011

You died on a Thursday...

I cannot express the connection I always have had with dogs. I didn't make friends easily as a child, hell, as an adult even. Buddy came into my life in the most peculiar way. He was owned by my mother's neighbor during those very difficult years where my mother and I had a very volatile relationship. This neighbor was abusive towards him and my mother rescued him. She gave him to my father. Instantly Buddy bonded with my dog, Sophie. They were boyfriend-girlfriend - till the end.

I gave Buddy the birth date of April 8th, 1995 - after the vet estimated his age, I made April 8th his birth day because that's the day we got him - in 2003.
The longest we've been apart is 6 days.

Being a dog owner gives you a sense of responsibility, humanity and brings such joy to your life.

Dear Buddy,
I am sorry I don't have a yard to bury you in. I very much wish I did, so I could visit you from time to time. I had such big plans to make us, the three Musketeers, me, you and Phia, a real family by my mid-twenties, but it just didn't work out, did it? We did have it for awhile. I gave you a true pack, with the addition of Rena and I got you a Daddy that loved you and took you into that special place in a humans' heart that only the truly special canines can touch.

During the worst of it, my early twenties and with everything that happened - Amjad, Lennea, the moving, the wrong guys, the wrong friends, my depression, the not getting the breaks I so desperately wanted - auditions, more auditions, rejection. Lonely times, the extremely broke times - you were always my little guy to come home to. Watching you run on the beach, you feeling the most exquisite joy of freedom when I took you off the leash, making friends, chasing your ball - you brought me peace. You centered me. I was your Momma. You gave me a purpose!!

I'm so thankful you had Andrew as your Daddy. I spoke with him tonight. He loves you and wishes you a sweet goodbye.

I am thankful for the cuddles, the way you touched so many other peoples' lives - between friends, family and loved ones that are no longer with us - you were truly everybody's Buddy.

I know you're in doggy heaven. It's a beach, it's perfect weather, you are young and strong - there are bunny rabbits for you to play with, endless amounts of squeaky balls and Big Momma Sasha, Baxter and all the other friends you made along the way. They've been waiting for your sweet smile and the gentle way you play.

This is the last footage I took of Buddy, just hours before making the hardest decision to end his life.