Saturday, December 12, 2009

why I don't do my birthday

Sent out the Evite, sent text messages to friends and family; having dinner and want you to be there. Fourteen people said, "I'll be there!!" Made the reservation for 15, show up at the restaurant and, including myself, 5 people in total.


I was embarrassed. I was disappointed. Lets face it, I was hurt. I'm looking at this long table the restaurant set up for my birthday and only five seats were taken. I had good conversation w/the few that showed, fueled by the Jack Daniels that eased the pain of having no one come. It made it very obvious to me that my relationships w/my friends and family are pitiful. The excuses I received via text message from two people, blamed the weather (it was only cold, no snow or ice). One had a sick kid and another had car trouble. The insult came from the six people who just didn't show up.

I bought my own drinks and dinner. Audrey drove me home.

I couldn't sleep. I watched bad tv and did a crossword. I was hoping for snow, so I could get up and take Serena outside and bring my spirits up but so far, nothing. It's just cold.

This is why I still don't celebrate birthdays. They are so disappointing. I never did them so no one cares. Now that I want them to care, they still don't care. I end up being disappointed in the end and I just don't want to put myself through that. I get hurt b/c I put so much energy into my friends' birthdays - planning or gift or whatever they want, really.

It's easier for me to be bitter then cry right now. This blog is very negative, I know but it's my outlet.

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