Last Supper

Well, sadness overwhelms me. My home-girl Katie, aka Killer, aka Beer Garden Girl is leaving on a jet plane tomorrow for Austin. I can't express my blues.

I've always been different my whole life. Always felt I had to defend my thoughts, my humor, my style - all of it. But with Katie, there was never any need to defend. She laughed at my jokes, could Zen out with me. She's an artist, a woman, a humanitarian, a bad-ass, a listener and a lover... it was always the first day of school for me and I was that weird girl with a bad pixie hair cut, Hammer pants and high top Converse but Katie was right there with me from the jump. Never judging. Always loving.

I can't wait to see you again, my friend. I love you Killer. xoxo.

The last supper at Bara Sushi House.

Radio City Rockettes

I was so fortunate today - my friends Becca and Ben gave me their extra ticket to the very first traveling show of The Radio City Rockettes!! They came to Portland.

Christmas 2010

I wasn't planning anything spectacular but the day turned into a fantastic evening with wonderful friends and unbelievable fun!!!

Reindeer Sophie and Buddy.



Adam, with the bacon covered turkey leg.

Katie devouring 'Gloria' - the bacon covered turkey.

enough said.



Lexie & Killer at Tiger Bar.

The gang.

Dinner time

Younger brother Ben is home on leave. Time for the fam to get together, take pictures, bicker, annoy each other and partake in all the usual family pastimes.


Baby Mark is upset about something...

We let Lit'l Man take some pictures.

All the Eiden children

The Eiden children with Great Grandma Helen


Discussing why I film everyday shit...


Basement banter.

Ben's Home!!

My younger brother Ben is a Marine and came home today for a three week leave!! He's been in Afghanistan for 7 months!!



me and Ben at PDX.

Zoe was so happy Ben was home!!

Masquerade Ball

Epic night of dancing, dancing and more dancing. Oh yeah, throw in costumes and face paint. Amen.



me with Killer

me with Honey



stilt walkers

hooper

Reeble Jar played to a packed house

Integrity

It is measured by what you say and what you do. I've had kind words and thoughtful gestures reveal the true character of my friends and it's absolutely wonderful to know I have such special people in my life that possess said integrity. The supportive reaction from a friend this morning healed any slight feeling of betrayal or annoyance that an irritating liar caused me.

It is my day off. I plan on hitting my GTL routine and focus on the positive. I'm hanging out with my girlfriends tonight at the Masquerade Ball at Mt Tabor Theater. The poor, disrespectful actions of one will not devalue the awesomeness I've been feeling about myself lately. It is his loss that his need to play mind games and practice trickery to bed women has caused him to lose my trust and respect. I can't be cool with deceitful people.

So They Say It's Your Birthday?

What a fun and exhausting birthday!! Yesterday, I had dinner and cocktails at Saucebox and we finished with more cocktails and dancing at Boiler Room.

Neon Trees

December to Remember - Katie and I bum rushed the back stage... YES!!!

Joke's On Me

Two visits to Urgent Care (not quite as dramatic as the ER), in 37 days. Docs don't know what's wrong with me. High fever, stiff neck and generalized weakness - nope it's not mono and it's not meningitis. My delicious diet of amoxicillin and IB Profen is helping. Even if the antibiotic taste and smells like ass, my fever broke this morning.

Doc suggested it was stress brought on by finals? Maybe. I don't feel that stressed - the usual amount of stress. I wonder if the universe is telling me something. Stay home. Pay attention. Stop stretching yourself thin between work, school and socializing.

I've been listening to a lot of "Cake" lately, specifically their Never Never Gonna Give You Up cover. And I'm feelin' it. I've been very anti-committed lately, romantically. I've been on the hunt for casual dating (not that I'm a whore and I'm hooking up with dudes every weekend), I'm just more about not staying home, having good conversation and see who's out there. But lately, I've been feeling like I could put myself out there again. I would much enjoy the consistency and sweetness that comes with a (good) boyfriend.

And now that I'm willing, it's been hasta la vista on the boy front. Who knows - that could change. My birthday is this Friday and maybe that's causing me to be a little down. I'm not down about getting old, just another birthday without sharing it with someone special. My last birthday was, well, shitty. Andrew and I were on the fritz (hard core), he didn't even show up to my birthday dinner, as did a shit load of friends. Boo.

But I'm in such a better place this year!! I'm happy and feeling good. I have amazing friends, new and old. I just want to share all this happiness with someone special. Someone who can appreciate it.

I'll keep you posted...

Hoop Dancing is an art!

My girl, Honey Hellfire from the Rose City Rollers is an AMAZING hoop dancer!!

Psychology 214 - rears it's ugly head

Rationalizing emotion and applying behavioral technique to alter a reaction/thinking is probably the toughest challenge in cognitive therapy. Albert Ellis came up with this "automatic thought" idea - it's when we without just cause or any real effort have this irrational thought or feeling about ourselves in any given situation. These core beliefs are what cause unhealthy habits - especially in social settings.

Need an example? Think of that friend that meets a guy at the bar, they exchange numbers and if he doesn't call the next day she's crushed - why? It's not that these two people had a deep, meaningful relationship and she's now mourning the loss of a broken connection - she has attached some irrational thought to this event, the no phone call, and has placed her value on that event. SO UNHEALTHY!!! But so many of us do it.

I learned about this in group therapy, private therapy but really dove into it in my psychology class this term. And I love that I can actually apply something from 12 weeks of highlighting a text book and testing to my actual life.

I totally caught myself practicing a negative automatic thought. I was being completely irrational and insensitive to reality. I was making assumptions from what I viewed as a lack of response from someone and I attached all this ridiculousness to why he must not be doing what I think he should be doing. And it must be because (cue automatic thought!) I'm not interesting, I'm not attractive and I'm being lied to because guys are game players.

WHOA!!!

Ha ha ha... I can easily laugh now, but I spent most of my afternoon in a huff. I'm so pleased with myself that I recognized that I was letting my emotions trigger my baggage. Isn't part of maturing recognizing your faults and error in thinking? Well, shit kids, I just did that tonight :)

I had to share how much at peace I am right now. No more thinking I'm not (pretty, smart, interesting, funny, etc) enough for someone. I don't need those qualities validated, just appreciated.

I'm so Zen right now...

ODL renewal

Man... I'm getting old. This is the first time I've had to renew my driver's license. So much can happen in just 8 short years...

2002 vs 2010

Maggie's 30th Bday

We celebrated a day early with a SURPRISE!! Jake was a sweetheart of a boyfriend, planned the surprise. We had the gang gather early, she walked in - BAM!! Thanks to Mississippi Pizza for hosting our shin-dig.

Tell me honestly

Gobble, gobble...

Yesterday was America's celebratory day of gluttony, mass ethnic cleansing and football, football, FOOTBALL!!

I was invited to Brian's family's house for the afternoon/evening. I had a fantastic time. Great, warm people, good food - all that one could hope for on Thanksgiving. This holiday doesn't weird me out as much as some others (Christmas, Easter, etc).

This morning I worked Black Friday Merrier Shopper Days at Clackamas Town Center. I look forward to this event because I'm surrounded by all sorts of people and my shift flies by because I'm so busy!! I reported in at 5:20am, set up my station and spent the next five hours checking receipts, taking information and awarding shoppers with gift certificates. As our gift certificates were running low (get'em while supplies last, folks!!) we decided to count out the remaining recipients in line so people wouldn't be totally pissed when we made the announcement that we were done for the day.

After counting off the remaining people, mall security and my co-team leader Noelle waved me over - people were claiming someone cut in line. (DUN-DUN-DUN!!) I approached the accused - a young girl, maybe 12, her brother a few years older and their non-English speaking mother. I told the girl that quite a few people have accused her of cutting in line - she denied it, as did her brother. The mother chimed in with Russian (which I didn't understand), but I insisted that many people claimed she had cut and that, unfortunately, she had to be removed from the line. That's when the tears started to swelling in her eyes and Mom again chimed in, rattling off who-knows-what - cue mall security!!!

He wasted no time on countless "ma'am" and "I don't think you're understandin' me - I am asking you to leave." I admit, I felt a little bad for the girl. Who knows if she did cut in line - it was the first time a group of people have ever accused another, especially a child, of cutting in line.

I left the mall, headed to Tonkin. Finished my shift - shocked I pulled through because I could not focus on a thing. It's nice to be home. I'm looking forward to an early bedtime and heavy studying over the weekend. Finals are upon me!! Happy belated Turkey Day, and Happy Freaking Black Friday ya'll.

Nick Alan 2011 Collection Launch!!

I was lucky enough to support and model the great talents of Nick Alan (MF Magazine Feb. 2009). Help him out!! Young, talented people are not getting the break they deserve. I'm encouraging my readers and friends to donate. Help this man obtain his dream!! And he's even giving back to his supporters!! Donate $10, get a tote. Donate $25 get one of his amazing t-shirts (which is quite a steal, because they usually run in the $40-$50 range).

me getting ignored

Sophie has bad taste in music... and doesn't listen to me.



And now Buddy... pssh.

Want some advice...

More of "What To Do or What Not To Do On a Date: From This Female's Perspective"

First: Don't ignore me.
How many times ladies have you had a perfectly charming, handsome, interesting man ask you out just to get you all dolled up and excited and what does he deliver from across the table? A whole lotta making inside jokes, talking about his favorite tunes and not interacting with you in the least. WTF? Why am I here if you don't want to include me on this date? Next time take some Ritalin psycho, and than meet me for dinner. Otherwise be straight with me - you just want an audience to your 'I'm so awesome' show. I have no problem with that. But you called the wrong number - you'll need an escort for that date.

Second: Doors don't open themselves.
I feel like I've said this a lot. Please guys, open doors. Open the door to the restaurant, when we're leaving the restaurant. Open the cab door, open the car door, open, OPEN, OPEN!!

Third: Flirting.
Thank you for telling me I look beautiful, or better yet, giving me your gaze just a moment longer than usual to make me smile and ask, "why that look?" Perfect opportunity for you to lay some charm on me. Yes, it seems so simple, (Psst! And it is!!), but say something cheesy like you just can't keep your eyes off me. Good ol' fashion flirting works for a reason.

I only had a few this time around. The dating scene, for me, is improving. I'm finding interesting, charming men in Portland that have a lot to offer but just not finding that connection. And that's ok. Knowing that there are some candidates out there makes it exciting again. I hear so many women rag on the shitty selection of men out there. I shake my head and ask them if that's really the case or are you just presenting a false you on the date? Be direct, be fun and light hearted. Yes, I have standards and post them here (humorously and seriously) but I keep in mind for every bullet-point I make for what I want on a date, I know he has one as well. And maybe it's me that's not meeting his standards and I'm partially responsible for the wet blanket that's been thrown over the evening's excitement. Whatever it is, my advice is expect as good as you give. Doesn't guarantee that it'll be a match made in heaven, but at least you can walk away knowing you gave the best of you.

Another Monday Weigh-in

Ok... grand total to date (drum roll please) - 16.5lbs lost!

To be honest, I've lost more than that if we're counting from the very beginning of the year - but I'm just counting since May. Officially, I have lost 20lbs since January.

I'm sooooo close to my goal!! My last weight-loss update blog, I was hoping to be at my target weight by my birthday - well, that will not happen (unless by some miracle or me doing something drastic I drop 10 lbs in two and half weeks). I'm still so happy that I'm getting so close!!

Cheers to a healthier (and happier) life!!

Hal Sparks

One of my younger sisters, Katie, and I saw Hal Sparks at the Helium Room. Hal is hilarious!! He's been on 'Queer as Folk' and the host of 'Talk Soup.'

photo shoot

It has been just over a year and a half since my last modeling gig. I have gone through a roller coaster of drama since April 2009 and am happy to say that I was asked to do a shoot. Here's some of the amazing work Christine Marie did. I hope I can have another session with her once I have hit my weight loss goal.