Thursday, January 7, 2010


My third term at PCC started four days ago. I've earned 24 credits and have borrowed nearly $3000 from Sallie Mae, thus far, and can't believe how quickly it is passing yet it feels like eternity till my graduation date. I will never leave this cubicle. I will never achieve professional pride or utilize my brain and apply them to medical skills and all hope of me reconnecting with that silly, happy person I used to be is abysmal.

woe is me

Well, I maybe dramatic but it's really not that bad. I really enjoy school and everything it is giving to me. That's right, "giving to me." I feel like I've been sucked dry for awhile, used up and nothing is giving in my favor. My job used to be exciting; a place I felt energy amongst my co-workers and I was greeted with challenges and valued. Now it's just annoying.

After a work day, I drag my tired mind and body home but happily jump back into the car after eating and changing my clothes to drive to campus, sit in a classroom and wake up my think-less brain. The excitement of discovering what I'm supposed to be hasn't been lost. Every night that I wear my EMT STUDENT uniform, I learn something, I laugh, I joke and I feel I'm on the path I veered off years ago.

My EMT instructor has a sign off at the end of each class:
"Think of everything you didn't know at the beginning of class tonight. (silence as the class reflects). Just wait till next class when you learn even more."

I am going to work so hard to actually complete this two-year program/degree in two years. My bank account and amount of restful nights may suffer, but I've been suffering a much bigger consequence for awhile; not living up to my potential. The dissatisfaction I felt with the decisions I made - the choices that shaped me into who I was before I (bravely) took the (greatest) risk of enrolling in school is fading.

I like that most of all.

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