Sunday, February 14, 2010

my Sex and the City

I worked today at the Convention Center. It was an easy day besides three of the event staff being creepy. Three dudes followed me around the venue, asking me random questions and trying to flirt (eh, I was so put off). I was thankful I was able to leave early and not have them volunteer to escort me to my car. Other than that, very low key work day.

It's Valentine's Day and I'm single but living with my ex-boyfriend. Things are awkward to say the least. I show my sadness; I cry. He tells me it's important I know that he cares about me and he shows that by going to a concert last night and not returning to the apartment until 6:30am this morning. I know he has no obligation to me anymore, but it felt like he was stickin' it to me. He goes out, goes to a concert and is doing what? My mind can only think of the absolute worst. I sit with these thoughts and my emotions build for hours... all night to be exact. This triggers a highly emotionally charged argument that I start the moment he steps foot into the apartment; and that's how I spent my Valentine's Day morning. I tried to sleep on the couch in the living room, he passed out on the couch in the basement; neither of us wanting to sleep alone in the bed.

For dinner I ordered a pizza and shared it with him. We cordially went to our respectful parts of the apartment; me upstairs to be sad and watch SATC and Andrew to the basement to mess around on his laptop. I could watch this movie none stop right now.

I didn't sleep at all last night, I didn't eat today - I'm exhausted. I have to buy face paint tomorrow during my lunch break b/c I'm face painting the staff at Barracuda for Fat Tuesday. I need all the extra cash I can earn; moving is expensive.

It's so hard being around him. I've never been a person who is capable of hiding their emotions. I cry when I'm sad, yell when I'm pissed; he is the opposite. If he feels something (so he says) he hides it.

I'm majorly bummed. I want to find an apartment so I can grieve. I can't heal with him being in the same residence. Ahhh... back to SATC.


Al said...

:( oh love... It sounds like you are having an awful time..

I really hope you find somewhere to move soon so you can deal with this whole situation in your own time, away from him.


Raishawn said...

That sounds horrible. I know you know this but you really need to get out of there. I hope you do soon.