Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Hindsight is 20/20, right?

The most annoying (hurtful) thing about this week is discovering how unfaithful the ex has been to the relationship. Unfaithful in every aspect one can be unfaithful. Greatest factor: lying.

The lies told then covered up by more lies, then the stories told to support the lying and the ultimate; lies said to my crying face to cover up the lies and the misleading stories he told throughout the past 4 months even though I had the evidence in my hand that revealed the truth!


Can the truth be so bad that the bullshit is better? That's horrifying. I don't want to give him any credit by thinking he's trying to protect me from the truth, thus he cares about me. At this point, it's just a matter of him keeping up his image. He doesn't want the truth out there. I'm not going to air his dirty laundry; the details are semi-based on my broken heart and the truth would be tainted.

And what the hell is the truth? Only one that knows is him.

I remember times where my gut was telling me something was up, but I ignored it, pushed it down, pretended my gut was clueless. Was I too afraid where my questioning may have led or wrote it off to my low self confidence; reading into things that just weren't there?

But they were there.

I've only known one other person to change this much and she too was a liar. The stress of leading a false life with a person you live with and they love and support you (the fake you) must be overwhelming.

My mother cracked. I hope he doesn't. Through all of this, I only want to get out. I do not want to leave a burning bridge behind me. I just want out.

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