Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Non Fiction

I'm so thankful that I can call my Dad when I'm feeling an inch tall. If it's been a month or week since we've communicated (phoned, texted, emailed, etc.), I can always call him and say through tears, "Dad, I'm feeling really crappy right now. Do you have a minute?"

We don't see eye to eye on one huge factor; religion. But no matter what, I'm his daughter. He knows how to remind me that I may be in a really shitty situation right now, but it will pass. It will pass and I will succeed and any harm that was done to me, shame on the man that did it because I'm an amazing person. I'm loving, supportive, funny, value honesty and am dedicated to making the ones I care about have their voice and feelings heard.

I spent 90 minutes on the phone with my Dad tonight. He tells me plainly that no man should ever treat me the way I've been treated. To be cast aside, lied to, felt unloved - "it's just not right, kid."

I'm exhausted and a bit restored after our talk. I can express myself without thinking I'll sound crazy or be judged. He lets me know when I'm getting overwhelmed and when my feelings are justifiable and it's ok to feel betrayed and heart broken. I need to feel those emotions because it's happening!! I can't ignore them, otherwise I will suffer a greater consequence later. He knows how to get my feet back on the ground and make me believe that I am deserving of someone better because I AM BETTER!

I am a trooper. He can tell me I'm a survivor without belittling my emotions or underestimating the heartache I'm feeling. He makes it a statement not an observation.

"You're a survivor, kid. You'll get out of that apartment and you will feel relieved and happy that you made such a smart decision for yourself. Because he has taken your love and support and friendship and cast you aside. This is his loss, not yours."

I am thankful for my best friend. As she is a genius, she has trained her mind to be scientific; I can still rely on her to say what I need to hear, rather then what is fact. She can call him names and tell me I didn't deserve it. End of story. No analyzing what he was thinking or telling me "technically" he can do what he wants. She gets that there are times when all I want to hear is, "he's an asshole and I'm so sorry this happened to you."

I felt an inch tall tonight. I don't want him having that kind of power - directly or indirectly. Like I've stated before, I just want out. No burning bridges, no huge scenes. I want to get out so I can get happy again.

I love you Dad.
I love you Audrey.

No comments: